Top 10 Secrets of Effective Liars

On December 24, 2010, in Mind thoughts, by Swapnil
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The following post is not my creation, I found it on http://www.psychologytoday.com/ and found it very very interesting and worth sharing with you all here again. 

All credit goes to the author on the blog on the above site !

The image is courtesy of http://la-la-land.aminus3.com/image/2007-07-29.html

 


 

#1 Have a reason. "Prisons are filled with bad liars," says psychologist Charles Ford, author of the book Lies! Lies! Lies!. "The good liars are out running HMOs." So what’s the big difference? Basically, says Ford, the trick is to lie as little as possible – only when you actually have something to gain. "Pathological liars can’t stop themselves from lying, so they tell a lot of little lies and wind up getting caught," he says. Truly expert fabricators, on the other hand, save their ammunition – they don’t bother to lie unless it’s going to get them something they really want.

#2 Lay your groundwork. Don’t wait until you’re under the interrogation lamp to start putting your story together. A 1990 study by psychologist Bill Flanagan showed that liars who had worked out the details of their stories beforehand had significantly more success than those who hadn’t. As in everything, practice makes perfect. "It’s easier to catch someone in lie the first time they tell it," says psychologist Dr. Cynthia Cohen

#3 Tell the truth, misleadingly. The hardest lies to catch are those which aren’t actually lies. You’re telling the truth, but in a way that leaves a false impression. Technically, it’s only a prevarication – about half a sin. A 1990 study of pathological liars in New York City found that those who could avoid follow-up questions were significantly more successful at their deceptions.

#4 Know your target. Good liars have the same gift as good communicators: the ability to get inside the listener’s head. Empathy not only clues you in to what your subject wants to hear, it will help you avoid stepping onto trip wires that will trigger their suspicions. "To make a credible lie, you need to take into account the perspective of your target," says Carolyn Saarni, co-editor of the book Lying and Deception in Everyday Life. "Know what they know. Be aware of their interests and activities so you can cover your tracks."

#5 Keep your facts straight. "One of the problems of successful lying is that it’s hard work," says psychologist Michael Lewis. "You have to be very consistent in doing it." That means nailing down the details. Write down notes if you have to. "One of the things that trips people up is that they give different information to different people, who then start talking about it and comparing notes," says Dr. Gini Graham Scott, author of The Truth About Lying.

#6 Stay focused. "When I’m trying to catch a liar, I watch to see how committed they are to what they’re telling me," says Sgt. John Yarbrough, interrogation expert with the LA Sheriff Department’s homicide bureau. "If I accuse someone of lying, and they’re not very committed to the statement they just made, a red flag goes up." One of the reasons most people make bad liars is that they find lying a deeply unpleasant activity. Fear and guilt are evident in their facial expressions. They want to get the process over as quickly as possible, so they show relief when their interrogator changes the topic. That’s a dead giveaway. Really good liars, on the other hand, actually enjoy the process of deceiving other people. "The best liars don’t show any shame or remorse because they don’t feel it," says Cohen. "They get a thrill out of actively misleading others. They’re good at it, and they enjoy the challenge."

#7: Watch your signals. It’s folk wisdom that people fidget, touch their noses, stutter, and break eye contact when they lie – the proverbial "shifty-eyed" look. But research has shown that just isn’t so. In his 1999 study of high school students, Feldman found that nonverbal signals were crucial in determining who got away with telling lies. "The successful kinds were better at controlling their nonverbal signals, things like the the amount of eye contact and how much they gestured," he says.

#8: Turn up the pressure. If your target has clearly become suspicious, it’s time to raise the emotional stakes. "The best liars are natural manipulators," says Sgt. Yarbrough. He cites as a perfect example the scene in Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone is brought to the cop station for questioning and winds up flashing everyone a glimpse of her Lesser Antilles. "She was turning them on," Yarbrough explains, "and that’s a form of manipulation – using sexual or emotional arousal to distract the interviewer."

#9: Counterattack. The fact is, just as most of us are uncomfortable telling lies, most are uncomfortable accusing others. This discomfort can be used in the liar’s favor. "You’ll often see politicians respond to accusations with aggression," says Stan Walters, author of The Truth About Lying: Everyday Techniques for Dealing with Deception. "What they’ll do is drive critics away from the issue, so they’re forced to gather up their resources to fight another scrimmage."

#10: Bargain. Even when the jig is up, liars can often escape the worst by using a process psychologists call bargaining. "You want to soften, alleviate, or totally eliminate feelings of responsibility for the lie," explains researcher Mary DePalma. "If you can decrease responsibility for blame and the anger that goes with it, you’re really looking at a much better outcome."

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How social are today’s festivals ?

On November 6, 2010, in Mind thoughts, by Swapnil
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This is something I have been thinking for a while during this festival season.  Really, what do you think ? How social are today’s festivals ?

diwali_lamps I remember the days when I was a kid and the way we used to celebrate the festivals. Every festival, be it a Sankranti, Holi, Ganesh Chathuthi, Durga puj, Dussehra or Diwali.  It was always a fun with the family and friends where all of us used to really make an effort to ensure we meet and wish each other in person.  In case it was not possible to meet in person, we actually did try and ensure we at least spoke with them on phone. 

I really miss the days when we, as young kids, with the group of friends used to celebrate each festival with so much joy, passion and happiness. Somehow, I feel that the feeling is lost really !  Do you also feel the same ?

In today’s world, although we claim that the technology has brought the world closer and distances are shorter, unfortunately, I sincerely feel that it has distanced the friends and families. Although the convenience of technology helps us reach hundreds of people across the world in one message, it has made it very hard for us to walk down the aisle and greet our neighbor on this festival.

I feel sad and nostalgic when I remember the good old days when we still had the urge to personally reach out to each other just to say hello.  Today, a simple anonymous Facebook status update, or a tweet makes us feel our job is done.  To put this in cruel way, it feels like putting your wishes on the table and asking people whoever wants to take it, please accept, otherwise don’t care.  Also, there are so many people who ‘show’ you care by wishing you via email in BCC. I wrote about how I feel about them in a quick article last year too.

I am, honestly, not sure about the reasons behind the change in the behavior of individuals over the year, but really can’t help to think and put my thoughts on this topic here.

What are your views on this ?  How much social are today’s festivals really ?

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How would you feel while sitting in a board room, listening to some rant by a very uninteresting person on a vary boring topic !  Believer me, the life @ hell is nothing different than that !

I know, I know, its really difficult to be a patient listener  … and a patient reader as well, hence this will be a quickie.

However, I thought following quick tips might help you in enjoying some of the most boring presentations in your life,

 

Listen

Listen with understanding and do not be judgmental while the presentation is going on.  If you make up your mind that the presenter is a person of ‘such and such type’, it really becomes difficult to get your interest back on track.

ClassParticipation 

Overlook

Not the presentation, but the faults of the presenter. Always see the intention, summary or the gist of the presentation rather than the actual dialog delivery and apparent things. Think on how you can make up your opinion based on the data / presentation content rather than who is presenting and how !

 

Voice

Voice your opinion on time, precisely and clearly.  It helps the presenter to come back on track if things are going out of sight !

 

Effort

Make an effort to keep the person motivated and ask questions that you feel he could answer. Typically boring topics are also boring for the presenter and they tend to rush or slow things unnecessarily. Hence a participation from your side can actually help close things faster.

 

So, in short, show a LOVE for the presentation and you would not get the biggest distress in your life next time you are invited for a boring talk !

Continuing from my earlier posts about Leadership Management, in this article, I would like to pen my thoughts about the effective presentation techniques.  This is something I learnt in the Mentoring & Coaching workshop that I attended. The learning really enlightened me on how to deliver effective presentation to the audience.  So, naturally, I would like to share with you all so you also get the 2 cents out of my knowledge :-)

Ok, let me set the context of this article first.

Here, I am going to write about few tips that you should by heart about delivering a keynote, delivering a speech or delivering a presentation to a wise, knowledgeable audience.

Consider your self in a situation where you have to deliver a speech on a ‘process change / innovation’ in your workplace and you would want your audience not only to understand the gist of your presentation, but also leave them motivated and enough encouraged to support you in your work that you want to do. 

Sounds familiar situation ?  Then read on !

Before any of your presentation, do you set out the expectations from your audience? In case you wonder what it is and what kind of expectations one should have from audience then following list should help you construct these,

  • Do you expect your audience to list down action points and work on them later on ?
  • Do you expect your audience to feel motivated and spread the word about your presentation / speech after its complete ?
  • Do you expect your audience to indulge in some thought processing (problem solving) and come back to you on a solution or suggestions offline after your presentation ?
  • Do you expect your audience to just listen to what you are saying ?
  • Do you expect your audience to provide you recommendations and suggestions during the discussion, a kind of real time feedback ?
  • Do you expect your audience to negotiate a deal based on your presentation ?

 presentation

I am sure by answering few of the questions above, you would exactly know what you are looking from your speech or presentation.  There could be more questions, but hopefully the above more or less should cover most of the situations.

Ok, considering you would exactly know your goal and audience expectations set, lets move on to a simple formula to decide how to navigate through your presentation in the most effective way.

 

SENSES

While presenting, you should keep all your senses alive.  Its not that you should use all your sense organs (lol!), while presentation, but you should be fully aware of the surroundings in which you are giving a speech and presentation. Its important that you feel comfortable in the position you are standing, the eye movements, body posturing etc., should be really comfortable and should support what you are actually trying to say.

 

MOTIVATION

This talks about both self-motivation as well as how much your talks are motivating the audience. Self motivation comes from how much conviction you shown in your idea / speech or presentation yourself. And to motivate the audience, you need to try and capture the pulse of the audience based on their own responses, engaging into thinking, discussions etc.

 

APPLICATION

No one is interested in only a concept or a theory. It is important to give an idea to the participants how things will work on a shop floor or in reality. Whatever points you are making, it is important that you give a vision (if not a demonstration) to the audience of how your idea will work in real life. Understanding of where this will work, how this will look like, is very important from the audience perspective.

 

REPEATATION

Ensure that you do enough repeating of the very important points throughout your speech or presentation. Of course, you would not want your audience to miss out on these.  One of the simplest way of doing it is to keep a separate note of your important points and remind your audience of previous points as you go along in your presentation.

 

TRANSFER

Think of real life examples, try and relate it to the what audience has experienced in their own careers, their own life and help them relate themselves to their own thinking. This helps the audience understand the point you are trying to make it, in much better way. One of the easiest way of doing it is to discuss the common pain points, or common gains and benefits that interests you as well as the audience.  This helps the connection :-)

 

PARTICIPATIONSteve Jobs - A great presenter!

Who wants the audience to go to sleep while your presentation is going on? Participation ensures the brain cells of the participants are active. Few simple tips of ensuring a good participation is to logically divide your audience into groups (in your mind of course, or sometimes actually) and make them think, make them answer simple questions, ask them to raise doubts, or simply nudge them for attention at frequent intervals. Other ways of ensuring participation are encouraging the participants (few of them) to encourage and share their experiences on the topic of discussion.  The change in the speaker (in turn the person under focus) can help re-concentrate on the discussion.

 

UTILIZATION

Would you rather want to hear someone standing in a corner with a folded hands and speaking in a monotonous language ? Or someone who is using the presentation space very well and ensuring he / she is able to make a personal connect with everyone. Its important that you make a full utilization of the accessories that you would have with you for the presentation, be it the presentation board, note papers etc., its important that your body language shows positive signs of trying your best to convince the audience.

 

EXPECTATIONS

As I mentioned earlier in my post, its important that you convey the expectations right at the start of your presentation. This helps in setting up the context and prepares the audience of the way they need to think and concentrate on the speech / presentations.  Believe me, no one is interested in any speech or presentation if you only like your audience to listen and do not act !

 

INTERESTS

Keeping audience interested in the presentation is one of the biggest challenges a presenter faces during his presentation. Especially if this is a long presentation that can go beyond a good hour. You need to keep in mind that every human being has a upper limit of time up to which he or she can concentrate with the best the abilities. You go beyond that and soon you would find audience going to sleep :-) .  Few good ways of ensuring the audience stays interested is to take pauses in the presentation at appropriate times, and changing the topic to ease up audience concentration and give their thinking a break ! Speak up about football, cricket and they would jump in the discussion quickly !

 

LOGIC

Last, but probably the most important. You need to be logical in what you speak.  Remember a secret and important fact about presentation “Audience is more cleaver than what you can estimate !”.  It really takes few minutes for the audience to judge whether they are interested in continuing in the presentation at their best, or just drop back or sometimes, even leave it it.  So its important to be logically correct while making arguments, examples etc.

 

Now, in case you are wondering why I actually made one letter out of above points big and others kept smaller, think for a second !  I guess you already have got the answer.

If you put all these letters together, you get a key phrase to remember these tips, “SMART PUPIL”.

Is it now easy to remember this ?

 

Try above tips when you actually deliver your next presentation, and see if you could actually get your point across the audience in a more convincing way.

And as usual, please do let me know your feedback on this. It really helps !

Finally I am back to my blog after a big break.  Again, blame it to my poor time management skills !

Anyways, this time I am going to pen my thoughts on the Goal setting that all the leads need to do for their subordinates in the organization they work.  As you would appreciate the fact that the goals, if set correctly and on right time, can help build successful careers of the people and self.

So, here in my blog post today, I would attempt to put few things that would help you put the goals in right perspective when you need to do it next.

 

how to set up the goal !

 

goalMost of the leaders with whom I have interacted or worked with, often ask the question ‘How to set a right goal’ for someone that work for you. The lack of understanding on how to set up the goals, often ends up resulting into ‘assigning a task’ to the employee instead of setting up a real career goal. 

Now, how should we really think of a goal and how do we really put that into the perspective so that the employee understands what he or she wants to achieve, but is free to determine how he or she needs to get there.

Setting up any goal is essentially answering four basic questions about the goal that is being set up.  They are as follows,

 

  • WHAT ? – Determine what you want to do (for self goal) or what you want the other employee to do at the end of the evaluation period.  Typically this becomes the objective of your goal.
  • HOW ? – In case of self goal, determine how you want to do the things. This will help you answer what you need to do to achieve the goal.  This may not be required in case of setting up the employee goal.  You need to allow the employee to determine how it needs to be achieved by the employee.
  • WHY ? – Determine why doing this is important for you and essentially for the organization. Typically this will help you identify the benefits to yourself and the organization if the goal has been met.
  • WHEN ? – Most important part of goal setting is to time bound the activity and the goal achievement date. Typically for the performance appraisals, its the end of the year for which the goal is being set.

 

An example of the self goal that I set up during the workshop was as follows,

 

What – To develop a next in line leadership for myself in the team.

How – By doing the leadership training, taking continuous feedback and coaching to the immediate subordinates.

Why – To get the best out of the leaders reporting to me and free up myself for the next role.

When – Within next 6 months

 

SMART GOALS

 

It is essential that when the goal is set as per the formula mentioned above, the resultant goal should be SMART.  Yeah, SMART !

 

  • Specific – The goal should be very specific on what needs to be achieved and should not be confusing or too elaborative and hard to understand.
  • Measurable – It should be measurable periodically to find out the progress and also at the end of the cycle to ensure that the objective is met.
  • Achievable – The goal should be realistically achievable by the employee. There is no point on setting up a goal of scaling a mountain for someone who is not fit enough to walk !
  • Relevant – The goal should be relevant for the job that is being done in the organization and what is expected out of the role.
  • Time bound – Time is very important as it determines when it needs to be reviewed, tracked and closed, so the goal should always be time bound.

 

A really SMART goal helps in getting the team focussed and bound towards success. 

Further to this, when you are actually filling up the self appraisal and writing feedback on the goals that you set earlier, keep in mind the following keywords that would actually help you put some weight behind your comments.

 

  • Direct / indirect contribution to the business results
  • Operational excellence
  • Franchise building
  • People development (leadership development)

 

Try the above tips when you are setting up the goals next time and, as usual, let me know your feedback.

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